My son Thomas loves acting. He started in the Missoula Children’s Theatre when he was only six and is now performing in plays as often as he can in college. Thomas loves it so much that his mother and I have worried he might pursue acting as a career – there are, after all, an awful lot of talented actors waiting tables for a living. But Thomas has reassured us that he plans to go into psychology. And he explained to me recently how acting and psychology fit together.
Though I had never thought about it, Thomas pointed out that to successfully act one must have a deep empathy for his character – even if it’s a character he doesn’t like. Thomas said you have to see life through your character’s eyes, think about why he is the way he is. Of course, you can only figure out so much, but by trying to understand what makes his stage characters tick, Thomas has learned a lot about empathy. Not just empathy for a character in a play, but empathy for the real-world people around him.
With empathy, Thomas explained, comes compassion. He said he’s come to understand that even the people most different from us have similar wants and needs, experience similar losses and fears. Thomas said by looking at our shared humanity, our shared joys and sorrows, we can find at least a little common ground with just about everyone. That doesn’t mean we have to surrender our convictions; it just means that we need to remember that people are complex beings and we should not dismiss them simply because we disagree on certain issues.
Thomas understands that there are dangers in being too empathetic, too compassionate. There are people out there who see our compassion as a way to take advantage of us. There are also people who are so in need of someone to care about them that they’ll disregard our personal boundaries. But people can be empathetic without letting others walk all over them.
And empathy has never been needed more than it is today. While it’s easy to connect with people who share our interests – one need only look at Internet forums to see how people flock to sites that reinforce their personal views – it’s harder and harder to find common ground with people who don’t share our interests or views. Politics has become “tribal” – where people once evaluated politicians based on a number of criteria, including policy positions and character, more and more people today embrace candidates based solely on their party affiliation. Who cares if a candidate is a terrible person – many people will vote for him anyway just because he belongs to their political party.
Tribalism thrives on an “us versus them” mentality, and leads to the stereotyping and oversimplification of both sides. “Our” side is good while “their” side is evil. And while there are very real – and important – differences between the political Left and the Right, there are also numerous misrepresentations that neither tribe ever seems to question – misrepresentations that keep people apart. It’s easier to hate the other side, after all, if you don’t really know them, don’t realize how much you actually have in common with them.
Thomas wants to go into psychology because empathy for others is fundamental to that profession. But he’s also very interested in politics; he hopes that he can do something someday to help us steer a course away from our growing tribalism and embrace our shared humanity. And right now I can’t think of a more worthy – or more needed – goal.