Archive for January, 2015

317. Je Suis Charlie?

As someone who writes opinion pieces, this is where I’m expected to show solidarity with the rest of the free world by proclaiming “Je Suis Charlie.” And please don’t get me wrong – I’m as horrified as anyone about the recent terrorist violence in France aimed initially at the satiric publication Charlie Hebdo. But even though I’m not Catholic, I have to agree with Pope Francis that deliberately provoking religious fanatics is likely to result in unpleasant consequences.

Islamic extremists have killed others for mocking the prophet Mohammad and have called for the murder of many more. Islamic extremists are no different than any other type of extremists – they feel called, as humorist Finley Peter Dunne once observed, “to do what they think the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.” Extremists aren’t just the fecal effluvia of Islam – many religions and ideologies have a lunatic fringe.

Extremists are a favorite target of satirists. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert have become household names from skewering the far-right (and anyone else who attracts their attention). And though presented as news, Fox News describes itself as entertainment rather than journalism.

Extremists, unfortunately, have no sense of humor. They are so insecure in their beliefs that they will reflexively attack anything that calls their dogma into question. Extremists cry out to be laughed at, and laughed at they are. But in doing so satirists sometimes cry out for retaliation.

The difference is that in liberal democracies speech is protected while violence is not. Thus the satirist enjoys an impunity he wouldn’t in less-civilized nations. But the fact there is a law against anything, including murdering those who mock us, doesn’t mean people won’t do it.

A talking head on CNN said that while he could sympathize with editors who have to weigh freedom of speech against the safety of their employees, to self-censor in the light of the Charlie Hebdo massacre is to let the extremists win. And I have to agree – when violence silences truth, freedom is lost.

But I also have to think there are ways to tell the truth that balance freedom with the responsibility not to invite the cold-blooded slaughter of one’s co-workers.

And maybe it’s naïve of me to think this – maybe extremists are incapable of any emotion other than blind rage. But the more I learn about Charlie Hebdo, the more I have to wonder if its staff was deliberately baiting the extremists. Why would they? I don’t know, but I’ve known people who enjoy the non-conformist cachet that comes from flouting convention, from either symbolically — or sometimes literally — pissing on things others hold dear. It makes them seem hip and cutting-edge, and is an easy way to get undeserved attention.

I don’t know if this was the case with the victims at Charlie Hebdo – and no one deserves to die for disdaining convention. But ridiculing others can be like yelling “Fire!” in a crowded theater – people are going to react.

Freedom of speech means freedom from government prosecution, not freedom from persecution. And while there may not be a completely safe way to confront extremists in print, discretion is still the better part of valor. I’m not saying it was deserved, but the Charlie Hebdo massacre shouldn’t have come as a surprise.

Charlie Hebdo will keep publishing and extremists will keep killing — the age-old battle between pen and sword never seems to end. But since the pen must win, even if its freedoms are sometimes abused, it’s time for me to say “Je Suis Charlie!”

316. Ooops

Dear Diary:

What a day! I spent hours writing a column about North Korean leader Kim Jong-un only to have my wife, Lori, tell me I couldn’t send it to the paper.   She said the cyber-reprisals would threaten the Albion News’ media empire. I told her I didn’t care – I couldn’t think of anything else to write about. But she reminded me that if the News gets hacked, all the snarky emails I’ve sent to them complaining about Angelina Jolie’s attitude would be made public. So I had to write a whole new column about the shelf life of mangos instead. I’ll email it to the News as soon as I finish writing this…

Earlier today Lori suggested I make my New Year’s resolutions. My first reaction was ‘why do I need to make resolutions – I don’t need improving.’ But after 30 years of marriage I know that Lori wouldn’t have brought it up if she didn’t think I need to improve something or other. The question is, what? Because she’s a woman, she’ll never just come out and tell me. It’s up to me to guess, and I’ll be in trouble for the rest of the year if I don’t get it right.

So what could be bugging her about me? I’ve gotten a lot better about not using my necktie as a napkin. Remember how she used to fuss about that? Said I must have grown up in a barn. And she’s finally got me changing my underwear and socks at semi-regular intervals so hopefully that issue’s been put to rest.

She has been nagging me to change the oil in our van, but driving it until there’s no oil left saves the trouble of draining it out. Maybe it’s the Christmas tree – she’s been wanting me to get rid of that for years now, but keeping it saves both the cost of a new tree each year and the trouble of decorating it. True, it isn’t green anymore and there aren’t many needles left, but she should be used to that by now.

I hope this isn’t about my efforts to toilet train the cats. I know that if I just keep at it, sooner or later they’ll figure it out – if they can drink from the toilet they can do other things too. But Lori does keep complaining about it. She seems to think I ought to give in and let them use their litter box again.

Diary, you know that I love Lori dearly, but she can be so frustrating. I don’t know how men and women manage to live together. Every time I try to explain all the ways she’s wrong she gets mad at me. Anymore I don’t say much of anything besides “Yes, dear, anything you say, dear.” If I didn’t have this diary to write my true thoughts in, I don’t know what I’d do. I just have to make sure no one ever finds it – Lori just doesn’t appreciate my astute observations about her lapses and failings.

Oh geez – look at the time! I’d better quick hit “send” so people will know how to properly judge a mango —