As I’ve gotten older I’ve also gotten wider, or as the woman who measured me for a suit for my daughter’s recent wedding put it, I’ve become “a man with girth.”  And as a man with girth I live in constant fear of finding myself exposed in a manner plumbers are famous for.  This is especially a problem when I fill my pants pockets with my billfold, keys, glasses, phone, etc., and head out to work at the farm.

After long years of grappling with this situation I came to the conclusion that I need a bag of some sort to put things in instead of my pockets.  That way rather than stuffing my pockets (and inevitably forgetting something vital), I can just take the bag with me when I leave the house.

So last week my wife Lori and I looked for a sports bag; most, however, were large enough to hold a kayak.  We looked at school book bags and even lunch boxes but none of those fit the bill either.
Finally, though, we found a small, nondescript canvas bag that would allow me to carry my billfold, glasses, phone, a few tools and a water bottle when I was working at the farm.  But even though it was just what I needed, I was reluctant to actually get it — though it looked like a bag, it was technically a purse.  I was glad Lori was there – I would never have had the courage to buy it myself.  Even so, I was concerned about what the clerk would think of one woman buying two purses (Lori bought a new purse for herself, too) – would she guess one was for me?

And then I glanced at the adjacent aisle and saw a middle-aged man wearing women’s clothing and a wig, also buying a purse.  Not wanting to stare, I quickly looked away, but even my brief glimpse was jarring.  Who in his right mind would dress like that, especially in public?  I realized this was a transgender person in the process of transitioning from male to female.  But why did he have to do it in public?  I could see why women would not want him in their restroom.

But as I thought about it I realized how hard it would be to use a men’s room – under certain circumstances I could see someone being killed in that situation.  It occurred to me that no man would dress like that unless he felt he had no choice.  We’ve all heard about transgender people and how they feel their body doesn’t reflect their true gender.  Gender is fundamental to who we are – imagine if you had to live as the opposite sex.  What would it be like to have to do it for 40 or 50 years?

I suddenly felt guilty for feeling guilty about buying — for purely practical reasons – a little purse.  And while a man wearing women’s clothing would seem the epitome of a “sissy,” I realized that it would take more courage than most “real men” probably have to go out in public dressed like that.

So if you should ever happen to see what appears to be a man dressed as a woman quietly going about his/her business, try to show “her” some compassion – she must have an awfully tough row to hoe.  And before you laugh too much when you see me with a little canvas bag, just remember it sure beats seeing me walk around with my pants around my hips.